watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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