I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
