I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
