I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
