Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
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i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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