he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
how drunk are you?
Several
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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