do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
porn star boner night. come get it.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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