four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
