i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
