He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
