this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Randomize
