Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
