since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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