My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Threesome in a minivan. New low
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize
