I need to stop coming to work sober
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
