There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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