Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
