dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
