btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Are we still banned from the library?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
