I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
