I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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