okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
