In the future we'll all be gay
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
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she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
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Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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