you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
