I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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