Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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