we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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