You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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