Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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