Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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