hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
