Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
