Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
