im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
