apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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