It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
home. puking in laundry basket.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
