Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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