D3 body, D1 cock
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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