you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
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