Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
