i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
