Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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