champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
