Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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