how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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