I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
