if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
