Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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