i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
