I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
