can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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