i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
