I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
