one might say we're banned from that church
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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