my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
