i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
