Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
