I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
