scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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