i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
