i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
