You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
