oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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