it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
