I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
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I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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