Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize