He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
organizing the empties. That sober.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
