I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
