I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Can I color on your dick again?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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