If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Bring me that man meat
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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